Current
Issue
Fall 2026 / Volume 13.1
CJ Farnsworth
—
Coming to Terms
On Saturdays, if I workout
then I can have a medium soft-serve
If I forego the soft-serve
then it will be worth putting on a smokey eye
If I put on a smokey eye
then I can go out and have a few drinks
If I go out and have a few drinks
then I can dance
If I dance, well, that’s just wishful thinking
there are no conditions under which my legs will agree
If I have a few drinks and do not attack
the man who married me
If I hadn’t warned him of the eventuality
he might be taken aback
If the man hadn’t married me
then I would have gone gangrene
If I was that smarmy, that like lichen
I would be mortified
If we are getting somewhere
it is back to the beginning
If my father would have stayed in the house I said “here”
he would break less and be closer to a grocery
If I was a girl on a postcard, I’d be the girl taped
to the wall above my desk
Then my lips would be red velvet
I would wear a crown of posies
and across my creamy white chest
MY PUSSY MY RULES melting verdant
nipples the color of fruit leather
If that was me
then I would finally be beautiful
If I was beautiful
then I could stop trying to be beautiful
I could just be
If I stopped trying to be beautiful
then wouldn't I finally be beautiful?
Then wouldn’t I finally be free?
If I was finally free
I might understand all the anger. Why
I run into and away from an invisible wall
Why my legs seceded me
If I was watercolor then
I would invite you all all over me
If I invited all you all over
then I’d have to redd up, even though
I know it shouldn’t matter
redding up should not be a condition of us.
If I could just…
Then I get a text from a friend that says
I am ready for adventure
and it occurs to me it has never occurred to her
she is not due whatever she wants
CJ Farnsworth has an MFA from Vermont College. Her poems have appeared in I-70 Review, Bear Review, Backbone Mountain Review, Appalachian Review, Kenning, Kestrel, Rattle, and elsewhere. Her first poetry collection, If You Keep Making that Shameface…, was published by Sheila-Na-Gig in 2024. She is a Pushcart Prize nominee.
