Esteban Rodríguez
—
Falfurrias
Though he’s practiced it the Yes the Sir
the American citizen he pauses lets
his accent slip lets his forehead sweat lets
a small smile form on the corner of his lips
as if it alone could disarm suspicion as if the agent
just as brown as him would no longer see
the otherness in his skin and he’d be waved through
wished the best not thought about again
But no My father’s told to pull over step out go into
an office while I whose English is shy but fluent
must sit outside on a bench guess what they’re asking him
if they suspect he forged his documents
if they think he’s not who he says he is And I know he
no longer is when he comes out tells me
without a word to get into the car and drives us off
half embarrassed half relieved and sure
that when he crosses the checkpoint again he’ll be
whoever they expect him to be
East Juárez High
And still the words don’t come don’t cross
the borders of your mouth don’t sound
how your maestra says they should sound
too low too soft too white to claim
these strange conjugations as your own even though
you know that if born half a century ago
you’d have been raised with the right pitch and tone
that you wouldn’t as you do now feel
you’re someone else an imposter pretender a student
who despite attempts to memorize phrases
like a script can’t speak enough Spanish just like
his mother couldn’t speak enough English
couldn’t answer the questions from Ms Smith
And even when she responded gave the right date
name a hard concept and explanation the accent
was too harsh Mexican too foreign to sound
correct and she was scoffed at berated sent to the office
belittled enough to confess this to me and for me
to invent her punishment believe that after sitting
through the principal’s lecture she was told to bear
her tongue lips and with a pen was shown the ways
language can be carved on flesh
Esteban Rodríguez is the author of Dusk & Dust (Hub City Press, 2019) and the micro-chapbook Soledad (Ghost City Press, 2019). His poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in The Gettysburg Review, New England Review, Shenandoah, The Rumpus and elsewhere. He lives with his family and teaches in Austin, Texas.
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